Almost all of us want peace. Almost all of us want peace almost all of the time. Almost all of us experience tension, friction, even conflict with others. Almost all of us have created some of those frictions and even contributed to real dissension. We have been used as a wedge, by Satan or self, to divide. We have too often been a device of dissension between us and others or between others and others. This isn't good, since almost all of us want peace. And the others who don't? Well, the ones who want discord are a sad lot.

So what are the things that lead to peace and what leads to dissension? Again, Proverbs is loaded. Honest words, wise counsel, strong reproof, great imagery to help us understand how important peace is and how to maintain it.

First OUR WORDS have everything to do with peace. As we discussed several weeks ago, our words have power to bless or curse, help or hurt, bring life or death. Today, know that our words are often the difference between peace and dissension - in families, the workplace, friendships, churches, teams of every sort, words matter.

A) A gentle answer leads to peace. A gentle answer turns away wrath (15:1). A gentle answer diffuses tension. A gentle answer stops escalation. A gentle answer works.

A harsh word rarely works. A harsh word stirs up anger (15:1). A harsh word creates tension. A harsh word stokes the fire of escalation. It rarely works. There might be some exceptions. But a harsh word rarely works.

In my marriage, it is quite possible that if I were big enough and restrained enough to answer everything – good or bad – with a gentle answer, that we might honestly never see tension escalate into argument. It only takes one, usually (not always) to diffuse a rising conflict. Gentleness is likely to be a huge help.

B) A healing tongue helps too. A heavenly tongue is a tree of life (15:4). Words that heal, instead of tear down or deceive, makes for growth and health and peace. A deceitful tongue is a weapon. Spouses don't flourish. Children don't flourish. Employees or bosses or friends don't flourish when the tongue is deceitful, or contentious, or malicious.

C) But pleasant words promote instruction. Pleasant words are sweet to the soul. Pleasant words are healing to the bones.

A malicious tongue harbors deceit. It may be charming, but it is false. It is hateful and hurtful (Wormwood?)

D) And restraint brings peace. Simple impulse control. Restraint makes a fire go out (26:20-21). Restraint evidences knowledge. Restraint shows understanding (17:27).

Gossip, on the other hand, creates dissension. Gossip, by the way, might be true but it is always harmful. It betrays confidences. It separates friends. Gossip even listens to malicious talk (17:4). Gossip is speaking or hearing things that divide and demean, rather that healing and helping. Gossip is brutal – always underestimated in its power to do harm. Restraint (impulse control) is one of the great arts of the Christ-influenced life.

But our words don't fly out of a vacuum. They are born from within, where thoughts are harbored and life makes up its mind. Our internal life has a lot to do with peace and a lot to do with dissension.

A) There is joy for those who promote peace (12:20), and there is anger on the hearts of those who don't. Now 12:20 might be speaking of joy as an outcome of the promotion of peace, but it might also be a chicken and egg thing. Joy comes with peace, peace with joy. Anger is different. Quite simply, unresolved anger is the prime catalyst for conflict. All of us have some anger. How we manage it, how we resolve it, how we express it and how we break free from it have everything to do with whether we are purveyors of peace or devices of dissension.

Personally, I go get help now and then from another pastor or trusted friend or even a trained therapist every time it seems like anger is starting to make me toxic. The stakes are too high for me to go around hurting people. Please, we can all do this. Get help. Dig around and find out why you get angry. With help and prayer and honesty, root it out. Anger is destructive. Badly managed anger is dangerous to everything we value. “Anger is good” say pop psychologists. Hogwash. (J on anger).

B) Patience, of course, is good. Patient people calm quarrels (15:18). Better to be a patient man than a warrior, or a man who controls his temper than one who takes a city (16:32).

Hot-headedness rages and scoffs. Those who love quarrelling are like long-burning charcoal on the embers of a fire (26:21) and those who have a craving for violence are called unfaithful (13:2). The faith just isn't filling us when we crave violence. Patience is good. It's a fruit of the Spirit. It's a mark of maturity. God, I want it, NOW!

C) And one more internal reality. Peace makers overlook insult, while dissension-makers take offense, hold offense, repeat offense, and revenge offense. 24:29 says, “Do not say, I'll do to him as he has done to me; I'll pay that man back for what he did.” Vengeance is mine, sayeth the Lord. We don't like this, because we fear the God will show our offender as much mercy as He's shown us. The peacemaker accepts God's oversight in the matter of righting certain wrongs suffered. A peacemaker, mature and wise, is not easily offended. Why? A peacemaker is overlooking the offense because his gaze is upward, toward God's mercy, instead of fixed in glare at the offender.

By the way, everyone will be offended. Those who choose to take offense and hold onto it are destined to be bitter, resentful and trapped in a cycle of victimization, finally pushing away even the most sympathetic friends. 1 Cor. 13 says that love is not easily offended or angered and keep no record of wrong. How long since you erased your files and chose health and peace over fault-finding?

Finally, our internals birth actions. Some actions, obviously, promote peace. Other actions cause dissention. Here are a few habits of an effective peacemaker.

A) First, avoid strife. Good peacemaking isn't just about healing broken relationships. It's about maintaining healthy and peaceful ones. Set a life course to avoid strife, and I don't mean by dodging issues and avoiding honest talk. The best way to avoid strife is to confront things early before they become problematic. Stay current. Keep things well and good and healthy. The best defense is a good offense. (Men, don't leave maintenance to your wife!).

B) Another action – cover over an offense. Let's assume someone has hurt you. 17:9 says to cover it over. With what? Pretense? Denial? No, Love (Book – Satan's Bait). And with love, grace. And with grace, a certain wise fatalism that hopes for the best from people but expects something less than the best. People are people. People hurt people. What's new? Why give that sad reality so much power in our lives? And why give others the power to steal our joy and derail our peace of mind? Cover it over with love and grace and even a wise realism about the fall and sin of humanity.

C) Third, seek deliverance, not revenge. Revenge never delivers. Revenge only escalates conflict and sickens every participant. What we really need is for God to deliver us from the sour and sad feelings of having been wronged. Too often we think revenge will heal and help that outraged feeling. In reality, only the touch of God will heal and help us. Seek deliverance, from God, not revenge from man.

D) Fourth, drop it. Sometimes we just plain obsess and we need to drop it. We need to get a life. The only people hurt by our obsessive bitterness is us (like swallowing rat poison and waiting for the rat to die). Drop it!

E) Drive out the mocker – the people in your life who tend to stoke the embers of bitterness and critical thinking (not telling you to leave your spouse, but…). 22:10 “Drive out the mocker and out goes strife; quarrels and insults are ended.” 29:8 “Mockers stir up a city.” And it's true. People who mock others combine a critical spirit with a toxic, harmful sense of humor and literally poison the well. Proverbs says to find new friends is that's who you're used to hanging with. And in your organizations, places where you're trying to establish a positive culture, mockers are death. They might even be right in their observations and shrewd in their criticism. But that spirit will eventually be poison. Romans 16:17 says to watch out for those create dissensions and do not associate with them.

F) One more action or habit of a peacemaker. Feed your enemy. Do good, says Jesus, to those who persecute you, quoting from Proverbs 25:21-22. One mark of a peacemaker is that even his enemies live at peace with him. It might be a grudging respect, but even opponents and adversaries respect someone who disagrees and fights for his principles in ways that are noble.

New Testament contribution – Jesus on anger

• Jesus on reconciliation (Matthew 18)
• If you are wronged, go
• If you have wronged, go
• MATURITY    
• Talk to, not about