As an elementary age child, my father was a public address announcer for one of the local high school football teams. My brother and I used to sit in the booth with him as spotters. A spotter helps identify the ball carrier, the tackler, the receiver, the quarterback, so that the announcer gives the right information. The home team had a quarterback named Tom Chamberlain. At 6'6" he wasn't hard to spot. And he could see easily over the linemen to spot receivers. With a sturdy, athletic build and a decent speed, Chamberlain could pretty much fend off pesky defenders. And with his powerful arm (he ended up being a professional baseball pitcher, as well as a major college football player) Chamberlain could fire the ball on a line well over half the length of a football field. If there was a problem, it was on the receiving end. I can hear my father's voice over the loudspeaker, "Chamberlain pass, intended for Smith, incomplete." "Chamberlain pass, intended for Jones, incomplete." He was an amazing quarterback on an average or below-average team, because he didn't have receivers who could catch his passes. In part, this had to do with the velocity of his passes, which tended to be finger breakers (it's possible that he never hit it big because he couldn't throw a soft ball). All in all, he was just a man among boys. If he excelled at the grace of passing, he just needed someone who could excel at the grace of receiving. It use to flummox me that a team with Tom Chamberlain at quarterback could lose a single game. But lose they did because the receivers had brick hands.

Last week, I read the scripture that exhorts us to excel at the grace of giving. We talked about the art of gift-giving and, hopefully, we're learning how to be good gift- givers. This week, let's talk about being good receivers, with soft hands. Because without good receivers, there's no completion. Like any form of communication, in gift giving, communication only happens if both ends of the line are working.

The most obvious benefit of being a good receiver is that it makes the giver shine. With good receivers, Tom Chamberlain would have lit the High School football world on fire. He would have been a legend in our town. Legends and heroes aside, there are some people who are so thoughtful, so generous, so heroic in the realm of giving and they shine when they have willing object for their notable kindness.

"But I'm not that needy," we might say. "Let those generous souls shower the poor and needy, instead of showering me. It's just embarrassing for me."

Two problems. First, those generous souls probably already do shower the poor and needy. In showering you, it's likely a relational overture not charity. In other words, (as I mentioned last week) for some people, gift-giving is a love language. By deflecting the generosity of others, we're not only thwarting their good instincts; we're putting up a subtle blockage. We're starving a relational give-and-take that, for many people, is a path to friendship or intimacy. (Same with learning to receive a compliment…but back to gifts).

Do you realize how hard it is to shop for the person who has everything? In the positive sense, that can be a mark of real contentment. But in the bigger picture, a person who has everything? Do we realize how hard it is to help the person who needs nothing? (Realize, we're not just talking about Christmas presents, today).

Many years ago, I went through a long, hard season of stress and sadness. The details are superfluous. This part is key - the real takeaway. When the season was over, I said to a long time friend who lives far away, "I was disappointed that my friends nearby didn't show up for me during my hard season. I've shown up for them dozens of time, but when I was going through it, they disappeared."

I'll never forget his response. "Keith, you carry yourself like someone who doesn't need anybody." Thank God for friends who tell us the truth.

Unwittingly, I'd been putting out signals. "I'll be okay. I'll be all right. I'll get through this." And it was true. I would be fine. And I would be lonely. And I would starve the potential for much deeper, reciprocal relationships with those friends. Why? Because everything was fine! Sure.

For years, my wife would ask me for a Christmas list and I took pride in saying, "What do I need? I'm the man who has everything. Just be creative." Thankfully, she is, but how annoying can I be? Over time, I'm learning to really think and to truly ask for what I'm hoping for. And if the lists of things is short for those of us who aren't into things that much, then maybe we learn to ask for experiences. I really didn't want another tie from our daughter, but I did want a date with her. I didn't really want another sweater from my wife, but I did want a night away together.

That's really the other problem with being a bad receiver. First, we rob givers of the opportunity to shine. Worse, really, we feed the myth that we don't need anything and we suppress the hopes that lie unrealized in our hearts. Jesus said, "You do not have because you don't ask," and that's true. We lose touch with our real needs and hopes. Jesus also said, in the Garden of Gethsemane, "stay with me a while" because he was feeling desperate and lonely and sad. And Jesus said on the cross, "I thirst" because even the Son of God humbled himself to the point of honest need.

Now we're getting to it - to the ultimate human myth, which we shore up in every conceivable way. We think we don't need anyone. Or at least, we'd like to get to that point. Again, there's something noble about not wanting to be a burden. But sometimes, that's just a thick cover up for our reality - it hurts our pride to be in need. It rocks the carefully crafted fallacy of being self-possessed, self-contained, self-reliant, SELF-ABSORBED.

The better story, the true story, is that God made us for Himself and for each other. While he wishes for us to be content, God built us to find that blanket of contentment in Him and in a generously woven fabric of meaningful relationships, enjoying the give and take that brings out the best in all of us.

Of course, anyone who's ventured into the ministry of counseling and caring will vouch for this: those who build the most elaborate facades of self-reliance are so often those who have been hurt most often or most deeply. These wounded ones have made personal vows never to be needy again; never to rely on others again; sometimes never to rely on God again. So that even faith becomes an obstacle to self-reliance. God is a crutch for weak people, says the man who walks with a limp that only he can't see.

Sometimes, we just get tired of being needy. Tired of the attention focused on us. Tired of being the receiver instead of the giver. And again, this can be noble thing. Sometimes it is that instinct that finally convinces us to get over our grief, or to forgive our grievances. But sometimes, we're premature in our convictions toward rebounding. We just tape up our wounds and try to play hurt, instead of letting others, and God, tend to us during seasons of recovery that often have their timelines independent of our willful intent.

Some might be in relationships that don't allow a down season of recovery, or even a down moment. God bless you. God sustain you. And God help you find safe haven, a safe friend, a generous soul, so that your thirsty, needy soul can be replenished for the hard life that is your lot. Of course, all of us need this. Safe havens, safe friends, and generous souls so that our needy souls can be replenished.

The art of receiving lets others shine, or even grow into it.

Receiving opens the door to deeper, truer relational exchanges of intimacy.

Receiving is our acknowledgement of need - in a sense, a spiritual discipline that we can learn to excel in.

How long since you told your spouse, "I really need you?"

How long since you told a friend, "I'm not too proud to tell you that I need friends like you. Please stay near me."

How long since we've really told God, "Without you, I'm undone. I'm nothing. I'm dust. Please hold me and never let me go. I thirst."

We receive more than presents and help.

The Bible teaches us, most pointedly, to receive correction and to receive Christ. To receive the gift of salvation and to receive the Holy Spirit.