Pleasure Management: Abstinence, Moderation, and Addiction

Sunday, June 27, 2004

Keith Potter, Senior Pastor of SFCI admire the spirit, and the care that Keith has brought to the series that we are joining. I hope to make a similar contribution. Would you pray with me? Father, you know us, you mend us with every experience of your company, you know that we all aspire to become persons better than we are, more useful than we are, more under your influence, and less under the influence of lesser things. Help us Father to reflect together in a way that makes this conversation about us first, and then others secondarily, as our hearts learn better how to relate to all your children. Let us not be wise in our own understanding. Let us be humble in our own experience. Let us be gracious in all our interactions for Christ's sake. Amen.

This teaching is on pleasure management. Which means some of you know more about it than others. I well imagine that all of us have had experiences where there's been some human desire or longing or need which has acquired a life of its own within our story, and had more power over us than we ever intended or welcomed. If that's not been true for you, then I suspect you either lack candor, or suffer from a lack of imagination. But the explorations of others of us have made up for that absence.

I like the language of the Jerusalem Bible. It's my favorite translation. And it refers to these gifts from God imbedded in our humanity which lead to our fulfillment properly exercised, which though are God's gifts, somehow get bent in our application. And the phrase it uses for it is "disordered desires." Wonderful source, wonderful prospect, awkward applications. The angels have noticed that human nature is under new management since the garden of Eden. And if we have watched our own lives, we sometimes sense that we've had a variety of managers, sometimes absentee landlords, sometimes we've been entirely self-possessed, and with that authority, made poor decisions. I like the perspective that the book of James offers in chapter 1, verses 14 through 17:

But one is tempted by one's own desire, being lured and enticed by it. Then when that desire has conceived, it gives birth to longings which depart from God's intention. This sinful instinct when it is fully grown gives birth to self-destruction, relationship harming, and even death. Do not be deceived, my beloved children. Every generous act of giving and every perfect gift is from above coming down from the Father of Lights.

What these five texts put before us is that there is a better life within reach, a life literally filled by the influence of the Spirit, with joy beyond our own manufacturing, and with strength, and self-control beyond our own invention. That's why self-control is named among the fruit of the Spirit. There are some things over which we have no control apart from the intervention of the Holy Ghost. And that's the truth. When it's the case for us, we need a deep spirituality to get free. You'll notice that neither abstinence nor addiction is on the extreme of the continuum left or right. That's because there are those who have healthy and wise self-care that requires abstinence. And there are those always in every faith community who have a wise and healthy approach to an inescapable addiction. They live with it, in some cases for all their days in this world.

Let me briefly make some comments on these three general approaches to managing our pleasure in life:

  • Abstinence: Believers have found through time that the stones on the steps on the path of righteousness are sometimes slippery. And in their zeal, they've chosen to remove those stones. For a long time, this has been a spirituality of amputation. If there's an area of life that threatens to become a lesser god that you worship and serve because of it's power over you, then you are better off to amputate that appetite or dimension, not literally, but metaphorically. Monks and nuns have done this through the embrace of poverty, chastity, and obedience, because they see such choices in the life of Jesus. And on an issue by issue specific basis, we have among us people who abstain for their own good with respect to some pleasure. Or that their resources, normally spent on that pleasure, might be in service to a higher glory.
  • Moderation: We also have within us, those whose approach to this matter is moderation, and our example is the self-limitations even in our creator, who by giving us freedom, limited his active power and control over outcomes. We see it in our redeemer, who limited his own divine nature by setting aside those prerogatives during his mortal walk of life. And during that life, we see it in Jesus again when repeatedly he sets aside joys which you and I find irresistible, and to which, God's generosity makes us entitled. But it's because something larger, deeper, and more consequential had a stronger claim on him. Hebrews understood self-control as evidence of God's influence. The Greeks saw moderation in all things as the prudent way to be in this world and exercise our humanity.
  • Addiction: Now with respect to addiction, we all know, and probably have in each of our extended families, identifiable persons who are slaves to some addiction or passion. It might have started as an exploration of a pleasure. It may have evolved for some over time into a tyrannous habit or even a chemical dependency. I like the spirit in Titus 3:3: "For we ourselves were once foolish, disobedient, led astray, slaves to various passions and pleasures." Isn't it healthy that the Scriptures, Old and New Testament, do confession in the first person plural? It wouldn't be edifying to tell you about each and every cul-de-sac that I've explored. But I'm glad they were cul-de-sacs.

The core question is, who is your master, experientially, and in ambition? For the one who is not the master of himself at the very least, is the master of nothing. Self-control is mentioned in the short list of qualifications for bishops, pastors, elders, and deacons, and as mentioned, it's identified as evidence of the presence of the Holy Spirit bearing fruit in a human personality. We learn as we grow in faith, that God's grace makes all things lawful, but reveals that not everything is edifying, not everything builds up, not everything is expedient. We have this comprehensive permission through the loving grace of God but we're led to understand that wisdom would cause us to moderate our own choices and to limit our appetites for the work of the kingdom and the good of our neighbor.

 

What I am proposing is that if you embrace your higher power, you will embrace a higher purpose. And then we will sort our investments of time and money, energy and appetite, in service to the most noble outcomes. The obvious case study in our culture is alcohol. So much could be said about this, and maybe so little needs to be. In the New Revised Standard Version, there are 319 references to wine. They identify it as a gift of God. They identify full vats of wine as evidence of God's prospering a life. It's identified as a source of gladness, joy, and fellowship. It is prescribed for the stomach in certain cases. Our Lord made it, and the love of a woman is compared to it. I'm not going to do an interpretive dance of the Song of Solomon, but it's there.

What should be noticed is that in these 319 references, the overwhelming majority of them are filled with caution. The same is true of sex, and money, and power. They are affirmed as gifts, originally from God, entrusted to our care for self-management under the influence of the Spirit. But the preponderance of references to each of these is one of caution, lest it ruin a marriage, or a home, or employment, or health, or a personal life, or diminish usefulness. How is wine like sex and money? The joy of each is improved by moderation. Every need or desire hastily satisfied is a diminishment of personal fulfillment. We sabotage our own pleasure when we overindulge, and we mismanage our stewardship of life, energy and time. Each is a terrible master, though intended to be a servant that we welcome.

In the interest of time, can I move to telling the truth to yourself? This is one of the core issues of staying well, and getting well. Jesus asked the man by the pool at Bethesda, "Do you want to get well?" When we've had a habit or inclination that we've indulged for some time it's appropriate to ask the same question. We need redemptive motivations, the desire to preserve a marriage, to keep a family, to hold a job usefully, but most importantly, to keep our soul from lesser gods. There's one we should worship and serve. Nothing else should have power over our free will and best intentions. Here's a suggestion for some objective self-diagnosis: three warning signs of addiction. If an impulse, habit, longing, practice has one of these characteristics:

  • If in your life it causes you to avoid other responsibilities and is used to avoid other responsibilities.
  • If in your life it's used as an anesthetic for pain, not deal with a reality or truth about you or something hard to bear.
  • If it gives an instant anonymity. We know the things we hide from one another.

Such a thing needs review, at least privately. Honest diagnosis might be helped by doing these five things, for those of you who are looking for some tools to assess where you find yourself:

  • Log the time that a given activity or preoccupation consumes. Net the hours and list what did not get done because of the activity. Very revealing.
  • Calculate the financial cost. What could you have done with that money?
  • Talk to God in particular terms about your desires, and the things that you imagine have too much power in your life. If prayer is particular, it's more likely to be honest and revealing.
  • Tell a friend with loving integrity about something in your life that you are beginning to suspect has more power over you than you welcome in your better moments.
  • Since it takes seven weeks to establish a habit, if you want to prove to yourself, at least initially that you're not subject to this passion or power in an addictive way, go without it for seven weeks. Now if it's not bread, water, or sleep, that should tell you something.

In brief, accountable recovery means keeping the company that keeps you well. We want to be a community of grace. We don't want to mistreat those who are coming to grips with their addictions, either discovering it, or maintaining their recovery. Galatians 6 verses 1-2 says, "Brothers and sisters, if someone else is caught in an unmanaged passion or disordered desire or self-destructive behavior which we call sin, you who are spiritually insightful enough to notice should restore this one gently. But watch yourself so you also may not be tempted. Each one must carry his own burden, and in this way, fulfill the law of Christ."

We need to be a community of addiction relapse prevention by being a place where it's safe to name one's vulnerability and to invite health. The social model of Jesus is obvious. He was judged by the company he kept, because he spent time with people at risk. May we do the same without putting ourselves at risk. It would be a wonderful thing if we were the kind of faith community where people could acknowledge in our company openly, areas that they struggle with, that we might support them in their management of pleasure and pain. I'm happy to say that we have among us two who worship with, us who are quite prepared to do that this morning. They're going to share briefly and lead us in a moment of prayer. Chris and Julia Sullivan have a blended family, they have children in almost every one of our student ministries.

Chris and Julia lead a recovery program called "Letting Go: A Christian 12 Step Program for Spiritual Growth

 

 


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