Introduction:

We have studied vital relationships during the current series. It has included our relationship with God the Father, Jesus the Son and the Holy Spirit. All of these are vertical relationships. Today, we look at a horizontal relationship…those of us relating to one another within the family of faith. In September of 2006, I will have reached the milestone of having been involved in ministry organizations and churches for 50 years as Rob shared. I have observed that we sing…"They will know that we are Christians by our love"…and disprove that message by how we behave toward one another.

Let me pre-warn you. This message is not designed to make you feel comfortable, nor is it designed to make you feel guilty. I hope to reveal some biblical truths and issues that need our attention and obedience.

Today…we will look at the fragile nature of relationships within the church by examining one Biblical example…that will teach courage, risk and trust. Secondly, we will look at the issues that keep us from building relationships and finally, what is the Biblical norm or standard. I hope we will discover that no one is exempt from dealing with these relationships and not one of us is close to being perfect.

A Biblical Fragile Relationship

I have chosen the book of Philemon and the relationship of Paul and Philemon. It is an interesting book and certainly not one often used for sermon texts. It is a personal letter…the only one that shares no profound doctrine…does not teach or model ministry service to younger leaders such at I &2 Timothy or Titus. It is a private letter and yet Paul expected it to be read by the entire church in Colosse and perhaps Laodicaea. He also addresses Apphia, probably the wife of Philemon, and Archippus, who may have been the "pastor" of the church; which probably met in the home of Philemon. It is also unique because Paul is discussing the fate of a runaway slave in a culture which had a work force of approximately 60 million slaves which made the economy work. Onesimus, a runaway slave is the center of the story and while Paul does not condemn slavery per say, he beautifully undermines slavery and tackles the real issue - how do we deal with brothers and sisters in Christ who are not the norm.

Why does this book exist in the canon of scripture since there were other personal letters written that did not reach this status? There are several theories:

1. As individual Christians, we do not operate in a vacuum. Acts 2-4 describes the early church in these ways: Common treasury, common meals, and submission to leadership. However in Acts 5, we see what happens when Ananias and Sapphira lie to the early church leaders about the disposal of a piece of property and how they die publicly.
2. Paul saw two households at risk - natural and spiritual - and the decision of Philemon regarding the unfaithful slave would have consequences for his household and the church.
3. To serve as an example of how to deal with an extremely sensitive subject.

We need to remember that Paul was not a stranger to controversy and disagreement. In Acts 12, he and Barnabus, disagreed over the value of John Mark and went their separate ways. Ironically, Paul indicates in Philemon that Mark is with him and elsewhere writes that Mark is now of value. Paul also had a major disagreement with Peter, which he describes in Galatians 2, about Peter's inconsistency between his spoken words and his actions.

We learn in this short letter that Paul refers to Onesimus (which in Greek meant profitable) as a convert - a fellow brother in Christ. This is the same fellow who probably fled during the night taking valuables from the household to finance his journey to Rome. Paul's words, "He was useless to you…now he is useful to both of us. Maybe it's all of the best that you lost him for awhile. You're getting him back for good -and no more slave this time, but a true Christian brother! That's what he was to me; he'll be even more for you." The Message

Now we move to the "close": My paraphrase…

I'm sending back a bit of my heart. Welcome him as you would welcome me. If he owes, charge it to my account. I will pay it. (Paul's Bank of Israel Card)…Let me remind you…you owe your soul to me…I led you to Christ…let me benefit in the Lord…refresh my soul. Then the final words of confidence: I know you will do more than I am asking.

A short sidebar: Some theologians think Philemon did do more. He sent him back to Paul. Why? Because 40 years later, the Bishop of the Ephesus was named Onesimus. Coincidence…some people don't think so. No matter…we are quite confident that Philemon responded affirmatively and Paul was willing to risk everything because of his confidence in the relationship

What are the principles of this poignant story?

• Forgiveness is central to all Family of Faith relationships (No grudges)
• Accept a new relationship of equality e.g. racial, ethnic, youth, Gen X etc.
• Move out of our comfort zone to build acceptance
• Radical transformation is possible with the emphasis on unity

What are the issues that keep us from building relationships that would result in similar honesty, openness, accountability and risk?

Power… fueled by Pride:

In my opinion, this is most misunderstood issue in the 21st Century church and it began with the fall of Adam and Eve. Satan appealed to their pride which would give them power and unfortunately little has changed since.

Richard Foster in his book Money, Sex and Power says we must see the wrongness of those who think they are always right. Some examples I observe in my work…Christian leaders including Pastors who believe their press clippings, lay people who think they should have the final word on every issue, board members of Christian ministries who check their brain at the door and behave like emotional adolescents who are playing a game of spiritual "chicken".

Contrast that with the example of Joseph…sold into slavery by his brothers…but eventually becomes a Prince of Egypt and has his brothers in his presence with the power to have them executed. Instead, he forgives and begins to build a new relationship. In the words of Joseph, "You meant it for evil against me, but God meant it for good."

How do you respond in order to change: I suggest a vow of service that…

• Says no to the power games
• Yes to God's power through his spirit
• Yes to obedience
• Yes to compassion
• Yes to servant leadership

Consumer mentality of church:

I have a friend moving to the Silicon Valley in August to assume a key role in one of the major churches. He wrote in his prayer letter: I am moving to the valley of Affluence, Activity and Apathy. I think he could have easily included Arrogance.

What is the consumer mentality of church: Here is what I see on a daily basis.

It's all about me…my style of worship, my parking place, my pew, my needs and sermons that deepen me, to name but a few.

What is the current outcome of consumer church: Thousands of men and women are leaving ministry annually (about 1000 annually in the U.S., according to Walt Gerber, retired Pastor of Menlo Park Presbyterian) Pastors are receiving death threats…anonymous calls in the middle of the night…anonymous letters. On a regular basis our consulting team listens to "beat up Pastors and Christian leaders. The common charge: You are taking away my church. The common issue: Change.

What's the antidote…in my opinion, nothing short of forgetting our pride and submitting to God for renewal and revival.

Recognizing the true enemy:

The church in the third world recognizes that Satan hates the church and wants to destroy it. In the third world…the enemy of the church comes from the outside…in the U.S. it most often comes from within.

Here are two comparisons of Third World church issues and U.S. church issues:

U.S. - We had to walk a block to go to church because the parking lot was full
Third World - We could be attacked by bandits as we walk an hour or more to worship.

U.S. We are concerned about Worship Style
Third World - We are concerned about being arrested because we often worship in secret and our pastors are murdered, tortured and kidnapped. Example: Silas Khadka of our congregation had a pastor he trained murdered two weeks ago. While in El Salvador 20 years ago I hear many stories of pastors who were kidnapped as well as young men who disappeared.

Oh yes… another issue for church in the rest of the world: American experts telling native pastors and leaders how to do church.

Let's face it… as American Christians, we live in an incredibly comfortable world to walk with Jesus and we tend to forget our true enemy and that we need each other.

Lack of Christian Civility and Grace

We live in a society that is "in your face." As often happens, the culture has invaded the church and we have churches and individuals Christians who are increasingly confrontational. "If you don't agree with me, you are my enemy." That's not anger but dishonesty in the opinion of John Vawter, long time Pastor and Seminary President, in his book Uncommon Graces. He goes on to say that we cover up resentments which lead to gossip, sarcastic comments and anonymous messages. The result is a dysfunctional view of sin. The Christian subculture in the U.S. has acceptable and unacceptable sins. Alcoholism, addiction, divorce and unfaithfulness to name a few of the unacceptable. We don't seem to count gluttony, greed, arrogance or abrasiveness in the same category. Vawter would say, "we need a new AA for Christians: arrogant and abrasive. One antidote: The civility of respect despite disagreements and differences.

What is the biblical standard for relationships in the family of Faith?

Live by the spirit in the fruit of the spirit - Galatians 5:22-26

What are the fruits of the spirit?

• Love
• Joy
• Peace
• Patience
• Kindness
• Goodness
• Faithfulness
• Gentleness
• Self control

That means living counter culture…but Paul says this is true strength and we need to keep in step with the spirit. "Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other." Galatians 5:26

Speaking in truth with a forgiving spirit Ephesians 4:25-32

• Confront in love
• Keep short account… don't keep score
• Be engaged in service (Opposite of whining while watching)
• Don't grieve the holy spirit
• Control our anger
• Forgive one another

Understand the difference between unity and unanimity

We will never agree on everything…remember Paul and Barnabus, Paul and Peter. However…though they disagreed on strategy and personnel…they were unified in the mission. Jesus prays for the disciples and the future church in John 17 for unity not unanimity. Unity in our faith, Unity in our witness and unity in our message. Jeremiah prophesied that God's people would need Singleness of heart and action.

Paul writes in Ephesians 4:3-5 "Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace. There is one body and one spirit - just as you were called to one hope when you were called - one Lord, one faith, one baptism; one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all." God calls us to unity and that is often painful because we have release prejudices and agendas.

Understand the principle of Matthew 18

We are instructed by Jesus to go to our brother with our concern in private before it ever becomes public. That principle, in my opinion, is the most violated biblical principle in scripture within the body of Christ. (Personal example) Relationships within the body are built with Matthew 18 behavior not public displays that violate that biblical instruction. High jacking a meeting does build the body and I have observed that for nearly 50 years…all in the name of Jesus!!!

Finally, have the attitude of Jesus… total servant

Two familiar biblical passages come to mind…John 13 when he washes the feet of the disciples and Philippians 2:5-8 when we are instructed to have the attitude of Christ Jesus: "Who, being in the very nature of God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death-even death on a cross."

So what can we "take away from today… what are some suggested action items?

Three suggested questions for each of us:

1. Do I really believe it's all about me…or about those that aren't here yet?
2. Can I truly love, accept and forgive those with whom I disagree in the Family of Faith?
3. Am I willing to be a Third World Christian in the western world by living in biblical ways that will force me out of my comfort zones?

Summary:

Jesus didn't promise comfort. In stead he said, "deny yourself, pick up your cross and follow me.