What do I do? People get cranky. Leadership is a vulnerable place to be. Critics abound. Getting a group of people from here to there means processing and overcoming every kind of objection.

Some lessons are learned from Exodus. The grumblers are key players in the drama of evacuating thousand of people from Egypt to a better place.

What do I do when people are terrified (14:10)? Do what Moses did. Be a model of faith and confidence. "Do not be afraid." As much as anything else, leadership is a position of faith - it means believing, carrying the flag, inspiring confidence, communicating optimism. People drafting on us. They are either en-couraged or dis-couraged by how we walk, talk, and hold our heads in the face of daunting circumstances. The greater part of grumbling is born out of fear, pure and simple. When people are terrified, the greater part of leadership is being a model of faith and confidence. Spirit is even more critical than strategy.

What do I do when people play the blame game? 14:11 "Was it because there were no graves in Egypt that you brought us to the desert to die?"

Who brought them out of Egypt? God or Moses? God did. Moses acted as an agent. But this is on God. The blame game is so often displaced anger. Since it's sort of feeble and pointless to be mad at God, most people look for an easier target.

Oh, I could tell story after story about people who've started in on me. When I've been patient and quiet and receptive, the conversation usually turns to some area of real distress in that person's life that has little or nothing to do with me. Displaced anger and blame. Then, we get to the real issues.

Moses responds by putting it on God. "Stand firm and you'll see the deliverance the Lord will bring today." Moses knows who he is and who he isn't. God got them out of Egypt and God will give them a future. Moses isn't dodging their blame; just reminding them who their real argument is with.

What do I do with blame? Be as honest as possible. Own what I can own and help guide people to the real issues. Catching blame is like catching eggs. You do it softly, to absorb the impact, and then you hold it close until it hatches. The real issues come out.

What about second-guessing? "Didn't we say to you in Egypt, 'Leave us alone; let us serve the Egyptians? It would have been better to serve the Egyptians than die in the dessert!"

Moses responds to the armchair quarterbacks with a very simple, clear strategy. Be still. "The Lord will fight for you. You need only to be still." (vs 14).

The best response to second guessers is a clear, simple, determined strategy. Not defensiveness. Not cowing or caving or cowering or placating. Just strong, clear, forward-thinking strategy.

Second-guessers go crazy when the plans are obscure. Armchair quarterbacks go nuts when it seems like nobody is calling the plays. Strategy isn't as important as spirit, but it's still important.

Bad spirit+bad strategy=-20
Good spirit+ bad strategy =+5
Bad spirit+good strategy =-5
Good spirit+good strategy = +20

"With the right spirit, a clumsy church structure will work. Without the right spirit, an ideal structure won't work." Malcolm Cronk.

So what do I do if grumblers are just communicating honest need? Like in 15:24. They're thirsty!

Then be their advocate. Moses cries out to God on their behalf. And God acts on their behalf. If the complaints are legitimate, or at least understandable, then get behind the people. Be a problem solver and an advocate.

What if the grumblers are just paralyzed by nostalgia? Like in verse 16:2-3, "Back in Egypt, we sat around pots of meat and ate all the food we wanted."

Yeah, right. First of all, nostalgia is rarely accurate. One of our better qualities is our tendency to inflate our happy memories. But is also gets us in trouble - nostalgia can steal contentment in the now and drain our energy for facing the future.

Moses just points them forward. Wait till tonight. God will give us meat. Wait till tomorrow. God will give us bread. As I said last week, quoting a coaching legend, "No one looks forward to the past." Yes. History creates community and honors God's longstanding goodness. And, yes, the past informs the present and can instruct us for the future. But we do well to glean from the past, not live in the past. Mostly, we have to look forward. If God meant us to live otherwise, he'd have put eyes on the back of our heads.

So, what do I do if people are just chronic complainers and irretrievably quarrelsome.

Moses cries out to God. And that's what we have to do when we're finally fed up. "What am I to do with these people?" Go to God. Leave them to God.

Again, my own story is dotted with times when I tried to fix, confront, endure, manipulate and otherwise control strained situations with antagonists. Finally, when I surrendered and relinquished my need to manage the situation, and called on God, God was swift and thorough and oh so good.

So here are some general principles from Marshall Shelly to help us handle criticism:

1. Consider the source. One person's criticism should be taken very seriously; especially if this is a person of notable character and discernment. Another person's criticism should be viewed as a kind of compliment. If that person disagrees, I must be doing something right. Most, of course, fall in the middle and we have to discern how much weight we give that person's character or discernment or perceptive ability. Psalm 141:5 "Let the righteous man strike me - it is a kindness. Let him rebuke me. It is oil on my head."
2. Consider the spirit. If someone offers a criticism in the wrong spirit, it's very unlikely that God is the author or inspiration for the criticism. If it is offered in a right spirit, we should listen up. This person might be an agent for God.
3. Consider calmly and prayerfully. Distrust quick, emotional reactions. When I've overreacted or become defensive, I've only exacerbated everything. Be still. Pray. Wait. Reflect. Then respond - don't react.
4. Consider corporately. Include a wise friend or two to help with a reality check. We can't rely only on ourselves to measure the value of criticism. If we do, we will naturally discount some that should be counted, or give too much value to some that should be quickly dismissed.
5. Consider careful confrontation. The best way to deal with criticism is face to face. As a critic, if I can't tell the person face to face, I'm a coward. As the one being criticized, if I can't find resolution by some kind of gentle, face to face confrontation, for the purpose of conciliation and restoration, then I'm a fool.

Critics do rise up, even in the face of the worthiest ventures. Who are these people? First and foremost, they are me. There's not one category or type or behavior that I haven't been or done at one or more times in my life. Still, there are chronic antagonists. What defines them?

1. Snipers - fire at people from a distance. Too sneaky and cowardly to be up front and direct.
2. Busybodies - a hyper-extended sense of personal importance and an over vigilance in the affairs of others.
3. Proud antagonists - people who love to make trouble and create dissension.
4. Lumpers and lobbyists. "Everyone thinks this. Lots of us think that. No one agrees with this." These lumpers exaggerate and find validation by seeking or inventing support by numbers.
5. Beware of someone who denounces your predecessor. Give that person time and she or he might eventually denounce you.
6. Beware of someone who's quick to be your buddy. That person might love too much being in the inner circle, leveraging influence or perhaps confidential information.
7. Beware of people who are fault-finders. These people have the power to erode our confidence and motivation and they suck energy out of groups.
8. People with long lists of victimizers - people who have done them wrong. Today, you're the glorious exception. Tomorrow you'll be on that list.
9. Beware of people who are mean. Plain and simple. Mean people hurt people. Mean people thwart worthy ventures.
10. Beware of people with narrow vision - one horse Charlies or one-issue politicians. These people just don't see the big picture, and their criticisms are usually partisan, and not very pertinent.
11. Beware of people who are unemployed (not in the market place, but in your organization). Soldiers on the front lines don't complain about the food. They understand that there are bigger issues at play. Busy, well-employed people complain less.
12. Beware of people who love power. Too often, jobs are given to people who have an appetite for power, instead of proven character. (1 Timothy and Titus).
13. People who are "merchants of muck." Beware of those who gather contentious people like honey gathers bees. And if you are someone who tends to field, don't be too proud. You are likely perceived as a negative, sympathetic broker of dissent. These folks aren't looking for help or reasonable advice. They're looking for fellow conspirators and gossip. A gossip is both a teller and a hearer.

So how do I keep my heart healthy in the face of so many people types and diverse views and opinions:

1. Don't dichotomize. Very few issues are either or, black or white. Most of life is shaded with the hue of gray.
2. Don't universalize. Beware of using phrases like all, every, none, never, no one, everyone.
3. Don't magnify. Overreaction leads to unnecessary drama and real harm. Relax. Take it easy. Keep it in perspective. Chill.
4. Don't vilify. Don't let differing opinions become a personal thing. Some of us have a very hard time disagreeing and then getting a burger. Don't make an enemy or an ogre out of someone who's guilty of doing nothing worse than disagreeing.
5. Don't fixate. Get a life. Don't obsess. Give it a rest. Don't lose an ounce of sleep. Play some ping pong or something. It's a big world out there. See the big picture.

Finally, "to truly care for people requires not caring too much about their approval or disapproval" (John Ortberg). Sometimes we are just so, way, totally, too sensitive. Pleasers don't always do too well in leadership.

And sometimes we're insensitive. We need to teach and encourage healthy conflict and godly ways of communicating negative emotions or critical views. By the way, real community learns how to do this well. Not avoiding issues. Not fighting over issues. We can do this.